Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Things in Hell: Bad Neighbors

As far as habitats go, renting is not a terrible way to go. There's a lower commitment level. You have a lower monthly cost for housing. If something breaks (accidentally), you don't have to fix it (if your landlord is adequately competent). And considering the things that have taken place over the last year or so, it's a relief to not have to worry about resale value. If you are not looking to stay in place for more than three or four years, renting an apartment is a very convenient thing to do.

Unless, of course, you have to deal with bad neighbors.

I should probably explain my definition of what a bad neighbor is or isn't.

A bad neighbor IS one who is up outside your window late night yelling, hooting, hollering, fighting, emitting all sorts of profanities, etc. It is amazing to me people can be so socially retarded that they would be standing outside your apartment past midnight swearing up a hurricane. We even had our landlord and his girlfriend arguing at 1 a.m., literally outside our bedroom window. If you own an apartment complex, that is a business. Why would take your relationship problem outside your tenants' window? That would be like the manager at Wendys' taking a employee out to the dining area and firing them during the lunch rush. Under no circumstances are your tenants better off hearing your vulgarity-laced anger than your own walls.

A bad neighbor ISN'T one who makes a batch of brownies now and then. We've had some really good neighbors.

A bad neighbor IS one who makes a batch of SPECIAL brownies now then. We've had some really bad neighbors.

A bad neighbor ISN'T one who doesn't look after you at all. Not trying to encourage stalking, so I'll explain what I mean. While we were living in the aforementioned apartment, we had a neighbor tell us he heard some people try to break into our car one night, so he let his dog out, and it scared the feces out of them. I don't want a neighbor who is in my business all of the time, but if one wants to be a night watchman, I just allow it.

A bad neighbor IS one who brings with him or her frequent police visits. One of our family's first apartments, we lived in a four-plex, and we loved it. We knew everyone in the complex, and better, we trusted everyone in the complex. Then, our landlords sold. We got a landlord who filled empty apartments with his brother's friends, and ABRACADABRA!!! Before you didn't see policemen, now you do! Four visits in four months.

It's a little nerve-racking to see a dozen police officers surrounding your home with their guns drawn and several police dogs by their side. It's also a little nerve-racking to see it twice. And it's also a little nerve-racking to find out your neighbors had been harboring a fugitive of sorts. I've gone my entire life without being responsible for a handful of police cars in my driveway. Why is it so hard for other people?

So little is really being asked by me. Luckily, I am currently blessed with adequate neighbors. We don't bother them, they don't bother us.

It's not the perfect living situation, but things could be a lot worse:

Things in Hell posts are periodic observations of what Hell might have. I am not saying this person/persons is/are actually going to spend eternity there. When I think of the what the worst possible place would have, these kind of people come to mind.


  1. Bad neighbors smoke upwind of your house. Or... downwind. Um... whichever the bad one is in this case.

  2. A bad neighbor IS one who calls the cops on you six days after you move into your new apartment. The reason... because they could hear you playing on the floor with your one year old baby. If you're really unlucky, they call the managers as well. We've had some bad neighbors. (We just moved in last month...)

  3. A bad neighbor is someone who doesn't mow their lawn for weeks at a time. Uh, oh...um...I have to go do something.